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VIEW THE HONOR AND REMEMBER WEB SITE

She keeps a photo on the mantel, next to a tri-folded flag.

He sticks a ribbon to the back of the car and wears a dog tag on a chain around his neck.

They tuck coins away in a drawer — fat, shiny “challenge” coins presented to them at the funeral and later at a memorial service on post.

In so many ways, the moms and dads and spouses and children cling to the memories of loved ones killed in combat. Each and every memento is precious and personal.

But there’s not a single, universal symbol of the grief and pride and faith shared by the countless members of the military’s Gold Star family. One of them, George Lutz, the father of a Soldier killed in Iraq, has set out to right that wrong.

“With all the memorials out there, all the medals and the many ways people honor those who pay the ultimate price for our freedom, why is it we don’t have something — one thing — we can all look to as a unified symbol by which we can honor and remember?” said Lutz, whose oldest son, 25-year-old Cpl. George “Tony” Lutz II, was killed by a sniper in Fallujah on Dec. 29, 2005, just six weeks into his first deployment to Iraq.

Lutz hopes to see the Department of Defense and Congress adopt just such a national symbol, the Honor and Remember flag, which was unveiled on Memorial Day at the MacArthur Memorial in Norfolk, Va. The flag’s design, a red and white field with a gold star and red flame, represents the honor due the nearly 2 million men and women who have died in service to this country since the American Revolution, Lutz said.

“Two things I’ve found to be most important to the families of these men and women,” he said. “One, that their sacrifice was not in vain. And two, that their sons and daughters will not be forgotten. As long as the American flag waves freely, we know their sacrifices have not been made in vain. And now we have a flag that says they’ll never be forgotten.”

In the months following Tony’s death, Lutz said, he discovered countless ways to remember Tony, a head-strong, fun-loving boy who became a devoted father and a proud Soldier. The walls of the Lutz’s Chesapeake, Va., home are lined with photographs of Tony and his four siblings. Lutz and his wife Patty attended a memorial service at Fort Bragg, N.C., where their son was stationed when he was deployed. And he attended the services of other Soldiers slain in combat to offer comfort and support.

Along the way, Lutz said, he found himself collecting mementoes of his son and his son’s service to a nation he loved.

“Every time I went somewhere, I was given some kind of a gift, a token, like a coin or a shadow boxes, medals, that sort of thing,” he said. “I became very conscious of how the military pays tribute to its fallen. And the more I clung to these things, the more I appreciated that military ideal. They’re all about honor. I realized if I felt that way and I was going through this anguish, I wasn’t alone. I know there are others who need to know that their Soldier will never be forgotten.”

Deborah Tainsh is one of those others. She and her husband, retired Sgt. Maj. David Tainsh, lost their son, Sgt. Patrick Tainsh, in 2004. The Tainshes recently relocated from Midland, Ga., to a beach house in Florida. There they’ll devote one room to the priceless mementoes they collected after Patrick’s death — the flag that draped his coffin, the Silver Star awarded posthumously, his Stetson, his spurs and his sword. Patrick was proud to serve with the 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment, one of the Army’s most historic units.

“We surround ourselves with the things that remind us of him, and not so much how he died but how he lived,” Tainsh said. “Grief is grief, I know that, and any parent who loses a child grieves. But our children walked into the face of death. They volunteered to serve knowing they might die in doing so. That’s what we want this nation to remember.”

She has spent considerable time educating the public about Gold Star families, those who have lost a loved one in combat. It has often felt like a losing battle, she said — so few people know the meaning of that Gold Star flag hanging on her door. These days, she’s happy to support an effort like Lutz’s.

“We have to make people understand what that flag means — just like they know what the US flag or the POW/MIA flag means,” she said. “That’s the bottom line, we need the people of this nation to remember our children.”

Since Lutz started his Honor and Remember campaign in April, he’s encountered a number of naysayers, including a congressman who doubted the impact one man could have on society.

“He said, ‘You’re only on person,’” Lutz said. “That’s not the kind of attitude that made this country great.”

So Lutz forged on, like an Army of one. He begin drumming up support with local veterans groups and started an online petition in hopes of generating 2 million signatures — that’s roughly the number of service members killed in combat in the last 232 years. He found a designer and had the flag trademarked just in time for the Memorial Day unveiling.

Now, as efforts continue to persuade the Department of Defense and Congress to adopt the flag as a national symbol, supporters continue to generate interest and collect signatures at www.honorandremember.org. There the flag is available for purchase, as is or personalized with the name of a fallen hero.

“You know the POW flag was introduced in 1971. It took 18 years for it to be adopted,” Lutz said. “I know this won’t happen overnight. But I don’t think we should wait, either. We can fly the flag and get one into the hands of those who have lost a loved one in service. We can do that right now.”